Everyone says there are two kinds of people when it comes to the Christmas holidays; those that start putting up their Christmas decorations the minute the Halloween trick-or-treaters have left their doorstep, and those that won’t even mention the word ‘Christmas’ until after Thanksgiving is over. I think there’s some people that are kind of in-between, to be honest, and then there’s the Bah-Humbuggers, who loath the Season more than anything and can’t wait for all the folderol to be over.
I tend to be closer to a Bah-Humbugger on most days ( BT-dubs, I claim that term as my own invention) although I didn’t used to despise Christmas when I was younger. In fact, I quite enjoyed it. I think the stress, the financial strain on people’s wallets and the rampant commercialism has really wrung most of the joy from the Joyeaux Noel for me and honestly, for many people. Throw in dysfunctional family gatherings, horrible travel, spoiled sugar-high children and overpriced everything and you start to feel like you and Krampus are total bros and you want to throw just about everyone into the underworld, not just the naughty kids.
Whatever your feelings are about Christmas, however, whether you love it or hate it ( or have a love/hate “it’s complicated” relationship), most of us still have our Christmas traditions that we enjoy, whether it be getting together with family to craft homemade gifts, make a gingerbread house, bake cookies, volunteer to be a ringer for the Salvation Army, or binge-watch Christmas movies in your pjs.
Watching movies is, personally, a favorite way to relax and de-compress in general, and watching my favorite Christmas movies at the holidays is one of my traditions, which I always try and find time for.
Now, if you’re thinking that when I say I like to watch Christmas movies you’re thinking of all those stupid Hallmark Channel-esque rom-com holiday movies, absolutely not. I’m a chick, but I’m not huge on the chic-flic genre and I’ve never watched the Hallmark Channel in my life. Barf-O-Rama.
What do you like, you say? I’m so glad you asked, Gentle Reader. Here’s my list of my Top 5 Christmas Movies.
#5: Scrooged (1988). (To be honest, the number five spot is really a tie, between this movie and Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, but I picked this one because it really is a Christmas movie, in a sense). The director of this movie is Richard Donner, who also did all the popular Lethal Weapon movies in the 1980s. He passed away recently (July 5, 2021) at the age of 91. The film stars Bill Murray, Karen Allen, Carol Kane, Alfre Woodard and comic Bobcat Goldthwait, who was the go-to dorky weirdo for many films in the 80s. The movie is basically a contemporary re-imagining of Charles Dickens’ classic, “A Christmas Carol”. Bill Murray plays Francis Xavier Cross, a television studio executive who is the epitome of 80s-era greed and lust for success and money who must learn the errors of his ways, thanks to visits from the Ghosts of Past, Present and Future. This black comedy is full of great lines and funny moments and Bill Murray’s deadpan wit delivers as always, with a lot of wonderful supporting cast.
#4: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation: (1989). Another movie from the 80s, of course. (Hey, I can’t help it that the 80s were awesome.) The well-loved Griswolds are at it again in this third film in the franchise. Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo return as Clark and Ellen Griswold, and this time the Griswolds have decided to stay at home and have a “fun, old-fashioned family Christmas”, but as usual when it comes to Clark’s plans, not much goes as planned. Randy Quaid returns as white-trash cousin Eddie and the Griswold kids Rusty and Audrey are played by a young Johnny Galecki and Juliette Lewis. From the annoying relatives and yuppie neighbors, tangled Christmas lights that don’t work, to unexpected guests, a fire and a squirrel running loose in the house, Chase is in perfect form as Clark W. Griswold, who is trying to maintain his sanity and still pull off the perfect family Christmas, which makes his breakdown at the end all the more hilarious. This movie gets a re-watch almost every year in my household and it never gets old.
#3: The Ref (1994): In this dark comedy directed by Ted Demme (Blow, Beautiful Girls) Denis Leary stars in all his acerbic, biting glory as Gus, a cat burglar who gets separated from his crime partner during a house robbery on Christmas Eve in a posh Connecticut neighborhood and is forced to take a bickering couple hostage as the community is put on lockdown, until he can connect again with his partner and find a way for the two of them to escape. Very quickly he finds that he has stepped into the most dysfunctional family dynamic ever, which includes the bickering Lloyd and Caroline (played superbly by Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis) who are on the verge of divorce, their blackmailer son Jesse, Lloyd’s horrible and evil mother, Rose (Glynis Johns) and Lloyd’s dim brother Gary and shrill sister-in-law Connie ( the always hilarious Christine Baranski), and for Gus the madness begins, as he finds himself forced to referee and resolve their differences before he gets caught by the police. Anyone who’s ever had to deal with annoying relatives at the holidays and had to uphold a smiling visage even while irritation simmers beneath their smile like a pot almost ready to boil over will find some familiarity with Lloyd and Caroline’s difficulties, even though they themselves are far from innocent, which Gus does not hesitate to call them out on. Anyone who loves a dark comedy Christmas movie that includes liberal use of the F-bomb, a super drunk Santa Claus who has too much eggnog at a Christmas party and gets kicked out of the party, inept local police who videotape a soap opera over the security footage video from the robbery and an underdog getting his day, will find this movie as splendid as I do.
#2: A Christmas Story ( 1983): If ever nostalgia could be defined by a movie, it would be this one. There can’t be too many people ( adults and children alike) who cannot relate to something in this movie–the best friend who gets his tongue stuck to a flagpole, accidentally swearing in front of a parent and getting your mouth washed out with soap, getting chased daily by the neighborhood bullies, wearing so many layers of winter clothing that you can hardly move, that heady Christmas morning expectation when you hoped to get the much desired ultimate Christmas gift that topped your list that year, among many other scenes. I didn’t grow up in the 1940s, which is when this movie is set, but my parents did, and my childhood Christmases and memories in the 1970s are actually not too different from what is seen in the film. Child actor Peter Billingsley plays the character of 9 yr old Ralphie Parker with perfection. Darren McGavin’s ( Ralphie’s dad) ad-libbed profane rants against their furnace in their home, their “hillbilly” neighbor’s dogs and his utter glee at winning the “Leg Lamp” are infamous. Melinda Dillon ( who plays Ralphie’s mom) is the quintessential mom–kind, compassionate, firm, but also fun. Ian Petrella plays Randy, Ralphie’s often whiny little brother with an authenticity that makes you feel that they really are brothers. Ralphie wants nothing but a Red Ryder Ranger Model Air Rifle BB Gun for Christmas and the main plot line of the movie is his numerous hilarious attempts to convince his parents, his teacher and Santa that it is the perfect gift. Despite the many admonishments from the adults ( and the creepy cynical Santa at Higbee’s Department Store) that “you’ll shoot your eye out”, and the building tension as Christmas nears that he may not actually succeed, ( spoiler alert) he does in the end.
#1: Die Hard (1988): Earlier I said that there are two kinds of people when it comes to Christmas; well, there are also two kinds of opinions on the first Die Hard movie–those who consider it a Christmas movie, and those who do not. As this movie is #1 on my list, I think it can be deduced that I am the former. I’ve even seen memes about it. Case in point below:
Yeah. Totes.
When people say, “How can this be a Christmas movie?” I say, “How is it not?” There’s Christmas music in the soundtrack ( Run-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis”) and Reginald VelJohnson ( Sgt. Powell) sings “Let it Snow” while buying Twinkies. The setting of the film is at a corporate Christmas party. There’s Christmas trees and decorations. There’s Christmas wrapping paper and holiday patterned tape that John McClane uses to tape the gun to his shoulder when he “surrenders” at the end. There’s even a dead terrorist wearing a Santa hat (“Now I have a machine gun. Ho.Ho.Ho.”) This movie was released in July of 1988, and I remember going to see it in the theatre somewhat un-enthusiastically with my then-boyfriend because action movies in the 80s were not really my thing ( they were either Rambo movies, Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, more Rambo movies, or Jean Claude VanDamme movies and most of them I found boooooring). I was mildly interested in this one, though, because it starred Bruce Willis and I was a fan of him, from his very popular TV series Moonlighting (1985-1989), but I wasn’t 100% sure I’d like it ( action movies, bleh). Suffice to say, within minutes I was totally hooked and I was also forever enamored of Alan Rickman, who brilliantly played villain Hans Gruber. I believe this was the first major film he was in that exposed him to U.S. audiences–it certainly was for me. The rest of the cast was also great– Bonnie Bedelia as Holly McClane, popular actor and writer Reginald VelJohnson as Sgt. Al Powell and Paul Gleason and William Atherton were true to form as the requisite assholes. While some might disagree that it’s a Christmas movie, I think everyone can agree it’s a kick-ass classic and some of the most memorable lines are forever immortalized in pop culture. Yippee-ki-yay.